Split-Screen :: The Game-Geek’s Daily Read

By Ravi Sinha

By default, a failure to exhibit stereotypical masculine behaviour doesn’t automatically throw a character into the dark realm of sissy-hood. Isn’t it the gamer who decides when a character could have a traumatic past and still be bad-ass, like Kratos from God of War, or have long girlie locks and an Oedipus complex, like Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII – one of the most revered Final Fantasy villains in gaming history? Sadly, just because some characters pull it off well doesn’t mean the whole gaming league can follow suit. Here then is our list of some of the biggest sissies of gaming. Who are they? Why are they such big sissies? And why do some of them have sequel roles? This isn’t a complete list, so let us know if we missed any one.

Neku

First appearance:

The World Ends with You (Square-Enix/Jupiter)

Sissy type:

Emo. The angry kind.

Kind of like Tsuyoshi from Sh15uya?

Very much so, except he was played by a girl. Which kind of evens things out a lot.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

“Outta my face. You’re blocking my view. Shut up!!! Stop talking. Just go the hell away! All the world needs is me…I got my values; so you can keep yours, alright? I don’t get people. Never have, never will.”

Granted Neku had not one bad week but four in a row – the kid woke up in The Reapers’ death game with no memories and his best friends being picked off one by one (that is as simple as we can make it for non-fans of the series). However, it was when he joined the game that his character underwent improvement. Otherwise, from the very start and right into the first few days with Shiki, the miniskirt-clad cutie of the TWEWY, Neku was like a sad product of Linkin Park in their Meteora days.

Does he come around?

Fortunately, yes. After surviving the fourth week in Shibuya Underground, Neku meets up with and is great friends with Beat, Rhyme and Shiki. The developers also lampoon Neku’s emo traits in the Another Day side-quest. Sample this conversation:

Neku: Yeah, it sure feels that way. There’s a force at play that I can’t overcome. I’ve felt its pull, dragging me along all afternoon.

Kariya: Just go with the flow. Too much work tryin’ to fight it.

Neku: Sometimes I just feel so… emo. There, I said it.

Kariya: How ’bout some ramen? Take your mind off things.

Neku: … Wait. Are you trying to buy me off with noodles?

Genesis Rhapsodos

First appearance:

Dirge of Cerberus (Square-Enix)

Sissy type:

The stereotypical kind. Quotes from a play called Loveless, obsessed with the affairs of men only (Zack, Angeal, Sephiroth), feathery hair, over-emotive voice indicating non-removal of tonsils in childhood.

Kind of like almost every single Final Fantasy hero ever created since VI?

At least they killed things without quoting a Wordsworth rip-off.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

“The mysterious abyss tis the Gift of the Goddess. In pursuit of this gift we take flight. Within the heart’s water surface a hopeless wander will flow. Like ripples to waves come forth the dreams below…Painful, isn’t it?”

Genesis, in many ways, is the complete opposite of Sephiroth. Besides being a failed experiment, he’s totally non-threatening and unskilled with a sword. He betrays Shinra much sooner than Sephiroth – however, it appears his motives are more in line with taking revenge on Shinra than destroying the world. Actually, now that we think about it, Genesis really had no modus operandi for anything. Just for quoting from that damn book and eating those goddamn purple apples.

Does he come around?

After his little stint as main villain in Crisis Core, Genesis joined the Tsveits Unit in Dirge of Cerberus and goes by the moniker of G. He emerges at the end if you collect all three G reports, and rather than encouraging people to love the Earth and buy home shopping merchandise, he hints at a possible sequel to Dirge, telling Weiss “It is not yet time for slumber…we still have much work to do”. So there you go. All this hype for a remake/sequel started because of his little Michael Jackson-esque mouth.

Steve Burnside

First (and possibly last) appearance:

Resident Evil Code Veronica (Capcom)

Sissy type:

Crybaby, daddy’s boy.

Kind of like Leonardo DiCaprio from Gangs of New York?

Yes, except Steve had no stubble or lasting appeal, which is probably why he was killed off in his first ever RE appearance.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness?

“I…I…I can’t!”

Steve wound up imprisoned on the same island as Claire after being arrested along with his father, a former Umbrella employee arrested for selling company research (but then, don’t they all?). He partners up with Claire and wields some pretty wicked dual SMGs for short portions of the game. Too bad he’s captured in the Arctic by Alexia Ashford and implanted with the T-Veronica virus. This transforms him into a vile axe-wielding monster similar to Nosferatu and Tyrant. Eventually his human side wins out and he saves Claire from Alexia before being murdered and confessing his love for her before his death. Too bad she has her heart set on Leon Kennedy, since we find not one mention of Steve in the recent Resident Evil Degeneration CG movie starring Claire and Leon.

Does he come around?

He dies, but Wesker comments to Claire and Chris on how his team captured his body to take samples of the T-Veronica virus. We look forward to further mentions in Resident Evil 5 but we doubt we’ll see an appearance from the Steve-ster

Squall Leonheart

First Appearance:

Final Fantasy VIII (Squaresoft)

Sissy type:

Emo.

Kind of like Angel played by David Boreanaz?

Yep.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

“…I can’t dance.”

Not to forget, “Are you done yet…? I don’t wanna talk about it. What am I supposed to say about other people’s problems?”

Squall Leonheart might seem like the atypical, antisocial tough guy of Final Fantasy VIII. But he’s actually…the atypical, antisocial, romantically awkward, aimless tough guy of the game. His love for Rinoa ultimately helps him realize the importance of companionship as he moves into the future to confront Ultimecia and save the world along with the remaining cast of Friends.

Does he come around?

Despite some hope at the end of FFVIII, he re-emerges as Leon in Kingdom Hearts to punch Sora in the face and in Kingdom Hearts 2 to fight off legions of the Heartless in rebuilding Hollow Bastion. A fling with Aeris is suggested in some places but nothing is for certain, save for the fact that the Heartless destroyed his home world. And that he won’t use his real name until he gets his revenge. Till now, this strand has been unresolved and we’ll see Squall battling other series characters in Dissidia: Final Fantasy. No doubt for reasons that justify all the stylish beating.

Leo Stenbuck

First appearance:

Zone of the Enders (Konami)

Sissy type:

Crybaby.

Kind of like Shinji Ikari from Evangelion?

You have no idea.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

None as such. Maybe because he was too busy crying to think of anything remotely clever.

Leo had a bad childhood and abandoned (?) a group of friends before their deaths. This lead to him piloting Jehuty to take on the forces of BAHRAM. Unfortunately, this didn’t quite change the fact that he was still a kid faced with mass slaughter, manipulation and warfare. Zone of the Enders, despite being a stellar action series for the Playstation 2, was undermined because of its protagonist’s weak nature. Leo mirrored Amaro from Mobile Suit Gundam in his hesitation to fight but didn’t quite carry his desire to rise above it all at the time of the conflict.

Does he (eventually) come around?

Indeed. Leo, learning of Jehuty’s true purpose, stows the machine on Jupiter’s moon Callisto and promptly adopts the experimental LEV Vic Viper to take on BAHRAM. He returns in Zone of the Enders: The 2nd Runner to at first disable Jehuty and later to assist protagonist Dingo Egret in amassing a force large enough to defeat ANUBIS. The Vic Viper’s ability to transform into a ship resembling the ships of Konami’s Gradius series was its main publicity point. Leo grew up, too. Miracles do exist in the world of teenagers and video game homage.

Raiden

First appearance:

Metal Gear Solid 2 (Konami)

Sissy type:

Over-emotional, crybaby

Kind of like some random anime character with blonde hair?

If not all of them, yes.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

“Who are they — Dead Cell, I mean? They couldn’t hit her, no matter how hard they tried… And that vampire too. It’s — it’s like… It’s like being in a nightmare you can’t wake up from.”

For a guy who claims to have completed 300 VR missions and confesses to feeling like a legendary figure (no doubt stating his being on Solid Snake’s level, as most people who aren’t usually do), Raiden often doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. So he faces lots of Metal Gears and the President of the United States (Solidus) tries to feel him up…yet the one imperative thing on his mind at all times seems to be his girlfriend and the “bad stuff” the Patriots could do to her. Of course, we admit that any one with a caliber of anything less than Han Solo interfering in Snake’s game is pretty much destined to face scathing flak.

Does he come around?

Like a record. Raiden undergoes a total transformation in Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots as a cybernetic ninja who takes on Vamp and assists Snake in taking on Ocelot and the Patriots (among other enemies). Despite the heavy damage he suffers, we have to admit a tinge of happiness for the kid on his reunion with his son and Rosemary. Now let’s never hear from him again.

Nero

First appearance:

Devil May Cry 4 (Capcom)

Sissy type:

Emo, crybaby, angry youth, over-sensitive, pretend-to-be-tough guy…the list goes on.

Kind of like Lindsay Lohan?

Except Lindsay’s a real girl.

Memorable outburst of extreme sissyness:

“Kyrie! Kyrie! I swear it! I swear I’m going to get us out of here! Together! Kyrie! KYRIE!”

We don’t know if Nero is actually Vergil but Capcom couldn’t have chosen a better approach to convincing us otherwise. Despite smashing things left and right with the Devil Bringer and going toe-to-toe with Dante, Nero still remains an amateur hero. It’s actually Dante who confronts the full might of the Saviour, using Yamato in ways Nero could never have dreamed, even in his Devil form.

Does he come around?

No real clarification is ever offered on Nero’s identity. He’s friends with Dante and gets the girl, but all in all, he’s still a sissy.