Split-Screen :: The Game-Geek’s Daily Read

by Ravi Sinha

Save the princess? Avert/destroy a disastrous evil? Cold cuts in the long term. Sure, most heroes would jump (some literally) at the prospect of flitting from castle to castle in search of their fair ladies. Following any romantic thread, even if it allows certain extra concessions - witnessing the birth of the useless emo champion; capable of wiping out entire armies with lots of sparkly.

Every once in a while, a different kind of hero comes along. And we mean the kind who doesn’t give a damn about the consequences, as long as he’s in the right. Some dub them villains; others call them anti-heroes. However, if two words could properly convey the heroic dismembering of a baddie when he thinks you want to negotiate, its “bad-ass”. Here are our top ten picks for the bad-asses of gaming.

10. Ryudo (Grandia II)

Brotherly betrayal, exiled from his village, general disdain at his mercenary status - all the ingredients for a faux Cloud Strife. But Ryudo handles his problems differently. If a part of the Devil was responsible for his troubles, he beats the unholy hell out of it. He falls for two beauties - Elena and Millenia - but never mopes over who’s right for him. Ryudo traveled to his personal purgatory to save humanity, but his only concern was proving his own strength as a human, in the defiance of fate.

9. Max Payne (Max Payne)

Hmmm…okay, so the ability to mourn and exact vengeance, while narrating his tale in never-ending metaphors and rhetoric gets grating. But Max Payne does have an interesting line every now and then (and they said the Internet could find anything). That and the ability to slaughter junkies, armed forces and insane clowns in slow-motion while combing the dark recesses of New York to avenge his dead wife and daughter. And to think, 3D Realms got this one right (and out the door on time).

8. Altair (Assassin’s Creed)

He moves in the shadows, assassinates his target and disappears, as if he never existed. Altair may be the mental projection of some schmuck’s distant ancestor, but his killing skills can’t be doubted. His signature killing method: A quick slice of the jugular with a hidden blade. Altair can also scale walls and buildings effortlessly. His killing precedent rivals that of Agent 47, despite the archaic weaponry he employs. Since their introduction, Altair and Faith (from Mirror’s Edge) have single-handedly changed the way we navigate environments.

7. Ryu Hayabusa (Ninja Gaiden)

Seriously now, is there any proof to the contrary here? He’s a ninja. He freakin’ liberates torsos with a gigantic scythe, stabs dragons in the eyes with dual katanas and pile-drives enemies into a bloody pulp. He has some of the hottest priestesses and kunoichi, this side of the Goemon, after him. He spills enough blood to splatter the camera for crying out loud! Ryu Hayabusa, you are the greatest thing to happen to swords since Quentin Tarantino shot Kill Bill.

6. Agent 47 (Hitman)

He has neither morals nor convictions but is always professional. No matter what the hit, Agent 47 goes to every length to see that his targets are “delivered”. Being a master of firearms, 47 is, however, just as capable of utilizing his environment to down his targets. This presents interesting gameplay choices: Shoot the crook begging for his life or smash his head in with a baseball bat. Never making false moves, nor allowing his opponents the privilege - Agent 47 is the ultimate hit-man.

5. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)

Yes, he has long girly hair. Yes, his waxed chest is exposed more often than not. And yes, he has this unhealthy obsession with an alien head. However, what Sephiroth does out of love, for his “mother”, is even more frightening than what he does out of hate. His sadistic tendencies and no-holds-barred fighting go hand in hand. Let’s face it. Any one who can betray Zack and Cloud, scar Tifa, manipulate Cloud, kill Aeris and call an angel-killer, “Mother” (let’s not forget his Kingdom Hearts escapades) without breaking a sweat, knows that you know, you haven’t a chance of winning.

4. Kratos (God of War)

First, he murdered Ares and became the God of War. Unfortunately, this didn’t keep the walls from talking to him, and reminding him of his evil ways. Then, he confronted Zeus, with the state of his (Kratos) godly status not being so godly anymore. That cliff-hangar is currently…hanging in perpetuity till the third game. But we love Kratos all the same for demonstrating his knowledge of the human anatomy…and the many vivid ways in which to rearrange it, both on the battlefield and in the bedroom.

3. HK-47 (Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic)

Revan: “You killed 104 people?!”
HK 47: “Oh, it was nothing master. Most of them weren’t expecting it, and I move very quickly.”

For any gamer who can’t love this homicidal android after hearing this exchange and many priceless others, well, as HK-47 puts it, “Electrocution works well. Evisceration and Decapitation are also effective, or…. umm, so I’ve heard.”

2. The Boss (Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater)

The Boss started out in MGS3 as a villainess but went on to become one of the few sob-stories of the Metal Gear saga, something you can recall without referring to an encyclopedia. As a double agent for the United States government, she took every measure to insure Snake damned her. In the end, he still looked up to her, even dissing the President in contempt, for their disposal of her. Nothing says sacrifice like being branded a “traitor” by the very country you’re trying to save, and then being remembered as a legend by those who count the most.

1. Dante (Devil May Cry)

Straight-up styling and profiling, Dante is one show-stopper who took on demons and defied genocidal mythical demons, all in the name of excitement. Sure, he sobered down a little in DMC4 but the once garish sarcasm has been replaced by an even more sarcastic one. Oh, and nothing quite says “bad-ass” like pulling your impaled self off a sword, demolishing a flying Leviathan from the inside and slicing a dimensional portal the size of the Washington Monument with a katana.