by Kuriakose Saju
Ok, first off, this post isn’t meant to offend anyone, straight or gay. It’s just that, being a gamer for some time now, I’ve come across certain characters who I’ve never been able to place in either male or female / homo or hetero categories. Here are some specimens that cause such confusion in my mind. I’m sure many of you will agree.
Liquid Snake from Metal Gear Solid
For one, he is supposed to be a clone of Solid Snake. But while Solid is a gruff, uber-macho protagonist, Liquid is quite the whiny nemesis. He refuses to wear a shirt and gallivants around, reciting dialogue like he’s doing a Shakespeare.
And the way he rips off Solid’s shirt in one encounter for no apparent reason… C’mon, there’s something fishy there.
Toad from the Mario Series
Alright, I know he’s supposed to be a mushroom. But he is a male humanoid mushroom. So, why is his role always confined to being one of the Princess’ best friends?
Reminds me of Stanford Blatch on Sex and the City, the only male friend the four girls discuss their love lives with. And he’s openly gay.
Zangief from Street Fighter
He’s definitely no sissy. The Russian wrestler comes across as the dyke of the relationship.
Why? Because he loves stuffing opponent’s faces into his crotch and performing his favourite move, the Piledriver.
You could argue saying that’s a wrestling move. But what about the ultra tight Speedos, the leather daddy look and the carefully styled body hair? There’s something fishy about this guy.
Vega from Street Fighter
Alright, so everyone who’s read up on the back story of Vega knows he’s a guy now.
But when I used to play SF II in the early nineties, we had no internet to check up for sure. Guy or girl? Guy or girl? Besides, his moniker after winning a fight was “All beautiful people shall rule the world” or something moronic like that.
That’s f$%cked up, man!
Tingle from The Legend of Zelda
When a grown man’s only wish in life is to be fairy and designs a series of fairy outfits, why would anyone be in doubt about his sexuality?
And the fact that our man now has a Japanese RPG coming out in his name that’s called “Fresh Tingle’s Rose Coloured Rupee Land.”
Of course, his penchant for bling and the way he says “Oooooh!” every time he sees you doesn’t help his case either.
Nights from the Nights series
Alright, nobody ever questioned this Sega character before Journey of Nights.
He could fly and do all sorts of crazy stuff and that was quite cool. But then, in “Journey …”, he/ she starts talking in this half-woman. Half-Satan voice.
Also, the fact that he has a tendency to go around kidnapping children in their sleep and ask them to touch him/her. Not gay but definitely inappropriate!!!
Bridget from Gulty Gear
Bridget definitely tops our list. He dresses up like a nun and… c’mon, just look at him! It wasn’t his fault, though. Bridget was born into a village where twins of the same gender were considered bad luck. So, he was raised as a girl and is completely oblivious to the fact that people think he’s a chick. And that too, a sex-starved one at that.
Obviously, there are many more that should appear on this list. Which they will, in due course. Watch out for “Even more videogame characters with confused sexualities!”
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